good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
