my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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