is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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