I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
