Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
