i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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