Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
