Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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