Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
