y did u give ur computer a hand job?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
