Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
