went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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