are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
