That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm like, not good at living.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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