Your tits are I can't wait for
her vagine was all disorganized.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
