My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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