I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
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