I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
