Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
