you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
