I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
