I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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