I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
