Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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