I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Still dying that you shit outside
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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