I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I love you. Go after that dick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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