worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
