Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
