we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
