do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
