ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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