Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
