Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
