I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
