he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
