apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
