A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She announced her abortion via fbk
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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