I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
