thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
