Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
