Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am naked and annoyed.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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