Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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