we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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