Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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