Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
