I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize