Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
