My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize