The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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