So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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