This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
