I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he was CRYING into my vagina
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
