I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
