I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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