And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize