so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
