Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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