The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
