i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
