She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize