worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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