we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
