I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
