we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
