i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
