he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
