I skipped work to stalk him.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
