When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
