Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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